“We rise by lifting others.” Robert Ingersoll

In these days of instantaneous communication and rampant sharing we are more connected to each other than ever before and with that level of connection comes great responsibility and no shortage of opportunities. It is possible to know about a diagnosis, a job loss, a divorce or a pet dying as the event is unfolding in real time and we have the opportunity to engage immediately with our colleagues, friends and loved ones.  However, many of us hang back, second guess and postpone what is our initial impulse to reach out, offer help and show up.

We tell ourselves that we shouldn’t impose. We don’t want to intrude or overwhelm. We tell ourselves that we should wait because the people in the lifeboat will send up a flare when they really need help paddling. Days pass, weeks even and we see an update on Facebook or Caring Bridge or an email goes out from church. Maybe the school sends a letter or the boss makes an announcement and with this new information comes a another, stronger push to connect, but again we hesitate. We assume that the situation must be worse and we imagine that “they” are even more distressed and, in truth, so are we. As the days turn to weeks and months and longer it becomes easier and yet more stressful somehow to reach out with an offer of support or assistance or sympathy.

Plus, we might just be feeling a wee bit of guilt tangled up in our hesitation.

Right this second, people you know are going through it. Yes, strangers, tribes and nations are struggling as well, but for this moment let’s just focus on our own circles, communities and families. It doesn’t matter if weeks have passed since it happened. It doesn’t matter that you don’t know how to begin the conversation or that you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. Of course the situation at hand is scary or makes you sad or feels impossible to fix. The only thing that matters is that you show up and extend your hand, your actual flesh and bone hand, not an emoji or a quote posted on a feed.

Show up.
Use your words.
Out loud and in person.
Let go of your anxieties, your expectations and your ego.

The only wrong move is no move and the experience of that connection will be transformative.

We must also be patient and willing to forgive if our genuine attempts to show up are not initially embraced. People in the eye of a storm can be blinded by wind and water and flying debris and some may not know how to reach for the hands that have been extended. So keep on extending! Go ahead and offer to update a resume, mow the lawn, recommend a therapist, drive carpool or make a meal.